No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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