Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize