I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
