So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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