my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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