im six kinds of drunk right now
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am naked and annoyed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
