i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
