no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
