she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
