Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fuck appropriateness.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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