I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
