Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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