fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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