i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your cock deserves a montage
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize