Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
