Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
