everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
