some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize