Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Panties = found
Randomize
