I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
