So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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