If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
