i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
