my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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