It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
