There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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