I wish I could punch you in the face.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
