tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
