Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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