There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
