I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
