shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pants are for mortals
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
