Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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