Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
