tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
