sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
