Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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