thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
