You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
