Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
