I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want to make out with him forever
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
