i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
