In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
