I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
