the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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