im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
