I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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