He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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