You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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