i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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