dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i will never coherently bang her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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