So drunk its hurt
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
