turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
