Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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