please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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