shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
