O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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