turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
