No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
