Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
