i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
