She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
