in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish I only lived at night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
