Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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