in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize