My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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