You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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