it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
