He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
